My Top 5 WORST Movies of 2017

Hello everyone! I hope you've had a look at my Top 10 Best Movies of 2017 list. And as you'd know, with every "best of" list, there has to be the "worst of" one.

And here it is.

Welcome one and all to the stinkers of 2017 - a year which actually didn't produce many (that I managed to see).

By the grace of an unearthly power, I managed to miss some stinkers like The Emoji Movie, Pitch Perfect 3, Geostorm, Flatliners and Fifty Shades Darker (thank goodness I'm still too young to watch it in theatres cos there's no way I'd pay to watch such trash).

I did still manage to watch some pretty poor stuff though, but it's been such a good year for movies that I could only come up with a list of five with a couple of dishonourable mentions.

And, like my "best of" list, the order in which these sad movies are ranked are purely based on my personal opinion which I am certain will upset a few.

Nevertheless, it is my list so here we go.

DISHONOURABLE MENTIONS

The Emoji Movie

I didn't even watch this movie but its sheer concept (or lack thereof) deserves to be ridiculed in the hope that Hollywood will stop with all this deliberate product placement bullshit.

The moment I heard that this movie was in the works, I was nothing short of appalled at how pathetic it is. It is a complete and utter disgrace to film as a medium and as an art form.

Why have we reached a point where kids are being exploited for an easy buck with such a shit product? It's an embarrassment. Surely kids deserve so much better.

Fifty Shades Darker

Like The Emoji Movie, I didn't even see this movie but I feel it's only right to call it out for being stupid and completely unnecessary.

I mean, by basing a movie on a book that was already critically panned, who in the right frame of mind would think it'd be a good idea to make a trashy movie out of it? Modern-day Hollywood, that's who. 

They literally just keep making these because they're solid earners at the box office and it's just so sad because these people are being so openly duped into giving their money to watch a steaming pile of garbage.

Even the Divergent YA movie series got the hint that they were becoming irrelevant and unpopular and thus suspended the production of the last movie and instead are planning to make it a TV series.

Instead of that, why don't these shit movies just not get made? Why not use that money to finance the young, up-and-coming directors and writers and give them a chance?

Anyway, time for the Top 5.

5. Spider-Man: Homecoming

Shocker, right? Well, the poster itself is already enough to get worst movie of the year.

Mercifully, the movie as a movie wasn't that bad. The reason it's on this list is because of how disappointed I personally was with it.

For one, it isn't a Spider-Man movie. If you're going to name the movie after the character, at least make the movie about him entirely. What we ended up getting was a movie with him in it plus Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr.), characters from the latter's universe like Happy (Jon Favreau) and Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow) plus a huge shitload of Avengers set-up for future instalments.

The movie too was such a mess in its construction. Pacing-wise, it was all over the place and nothing flowed very naturally at all. On top of that, there was such cheap little easter eggs scattered all over just to prompt an easy fan reaction. Sure, fans love easter eggs but not when they're so deliberate and so cheap. Fans love subtlety.

Just recalling Zendaya's character of Michelle having the nickname "M.J.". *Rolls eyes* does it get any cheaper than that? She's not actually Mary Jane Watson but she just so happens to have the nickname "M.J.".

Sigh.

I've not even begun to mention his stupid Spidey suit yet and its stupid Iron Man-style AI system. It takes all credibility away from Spidey and his own special abilities. Where the heck was Spider Sense? All we got was an AI that can even conjure up lethal web shooting configurations for him.

Don't get me wrong, I love Tom Holland as the new Spider-Man but not like this.

On a brighter note, however, Michael Keaton was such a brilliant villain as the Vulture.

4. Justice League

I am honestly saddened to place Justice League on this list. It promised so much with the early trailers but GAH. Like the previous entry, what a mess this movie was.

What's worse is the fact that you know that the movie we saw in theatres wasn't the movie that was intended at all in the first place. What it was was the product of horrible studio intervention with such obvious last-minute creative changes.

Plus, what kind of moronic studio would think that cutting such a mega team-up movie like this to two hours long just to be able to fill more time slots in cinemas was a good idea? All that in favour of making a better quality overall movie? Idiots! Criminals!

I feel the most for Zack Snyder, whose name is given credit for directing this movie. Honestly speaking, his unique voice is completely drowned out with the theatrical cut. It's a mess of a movie with the most obvious reshot scenes I have ever seen.

The CGI work to cover Henry Cavill's precious moustache deserves an award for the worst CGI work ever done.

If I were to compare this movie to anything I've seen before, I have to say that it's very much like the absolute shocker of a movie in Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987) was. That movie endured having to deal with a studio and special effects team that pulled out halfway into production, and the touching up work with the effects was completely laughable.

In a modern day context, it's the same with Justice League. What a massive shame for the DCEU because Wonder Woman set the course right in such graceful fashion.

With one mega studio intervention, I have no idea how the DCEU are going to recover from yet another major setback now. With the upcoming Aquaman movie maybe? Ironic how the universe's hopes now lay upon DC's most joked-about character.

3. The Hitman's Bodyguard

Just like how a movie with the most amazing visual effects isn't enough to call it a good movie if nothing else is very good, one that is just funny simply isn't going to cut it.

That's exactly the problem with The Hitman's Bodyguard. It's two leads are a couple of Hollywood's funniest actors but they always seem to do the same things in their movies to generate the laughs.

Samuel L. Jackson has been doing his F-bomb dropping, potty-mouthed loud act for what has felt like an eternity. This movie proved that it's finally getting old.

It's the same with Ryan Reynolds who is known for his dirty-minded, quick-talking, quippy nature. I mean, the dude is the living embodiment of Deadpool.

Combining these two in a completely brainless action movie which feels more at home in the 1990's starring Arnold Schwarzenegger is just a recipe for disaster, which it was.

2. Baywatch

Just, why?

I was actually invited by a friend for the premiere event of this movie in Singapore by United International Pictures (UIP) and after the movie, my friend who was interning there made me give my immediate verdict of the movie to the camera crew who were there.

Of course, I couldn't have completely dissed it right in front of the movie's local distributors and so, I went with perhaps the kindest thing I could've said about it - that it was okay as a guilty pleasure movie.

I maintain that stance. It would be fine when maybe one day, I have the feels to watch a movie that's so bad that it's fun, and that's Baywatch. It probably ranks along the epitome of guilty pleasures like Batman & Robin (1997) and maybe even the ultimate brilliant bad movie, The Room (2003).

The movie just tries too damn hard to be too many things - a beach rescue movie, a crime drama and even at times, an over-the-top spy adventure. It's just very confused with what it wants to be.

And then there's the fact that it's yet another attempt by a major Hollywood studio to milk as much money as they could out of this rehash of a popular old property. Sometimes, some classics are just meant to remain as classics. There's absolutely no need to reboot it, am I right, GHOSTBUSTERS?

Right, and now for the worst one of the year.

1. Power Rangers

I'm pretty darn sure that the entire movie was funded by Krispy Kreme thanks in absolutely no part to the most ridiculous and pathetic piece of product placement in movie history.

I mean, the sodded climax of the movie happens in a Krispy Kreme outlet, with the movie's main antagonist eating a doughnut.

Absolutely ridiculous.

Like Baywatch, this movie struggled with establishing its identity. What it ended being was teen coming-of-age movie, meets superhero team-up, meets disaster movie. Throw in a cheesy training montage and we've got one of the most confused movies ever.

I'll admit, it's a lot easier for me to say all this because the Power Rangers as a series of characters have absolutely no sentimental value to me as the classic TV series had never appealed to me. In that sense, it made coming up with my opinion on it extremely easy as well as it being completely unbiased, unlike that of stuff like Justice League and even Spider-Man: Homecoming.

Another thing is that many old properties that become remade all have a shelf life. There will come a point where the material becomes either forgotten by the new generation or just completely irrelevant to modern times. Perhaps Power Rangers had gone past its sell-by date, and considering its dismal performance at the global box office (US$142 million versus a US$100 million production budget not inclusive of marketing costs), I don't think there will be anymore time for 'morphin'. Some morphine for the actors, maybe.

Or some Krispy Kreme.

So there you have it, folks! My two lists for the year that just passed.

I've been a lot busier than usual and as such, haven't had much time at all to make trips down to the cinema. Hopefully 2018 will be kinder to me and my hobby (highly unlikely) and hopefully it'll be yet another great year for movies.

With a pretty exciting lineup for comic book movies once again with the likes of Black Panther, Avengers: Infinity War - Part I, Deadpool 2, and Aquaman to look forward to, it surely promises a lot.

Let's hope they deliver the goods!

*UPDATE*

Hello again, people.

There's just one thing missing from this list. Yes, I know it's supposed to be for the movies I saw in 2017 but well, this movie was made in 2017, just that I caught it this year.

Not only has this movie made the official list, it freaking topped it without a fight.

It is quite easily the worst movie of 2017, and one of the worst movies I have EVER seen - and I've seen so many movies in this lifetime so far!

The steaming turd of the movie is none other than...

Pitch Perfect 3

I PAID MONEY TO WATCH THIS. THAT'S HOW UPSET I AM.

AND WEEKEND PRICE AS WELL!

My goodness, what a horrendous crap fest Pitch Perfect 3 was. I'm honestly gobsmacked at how the filmmakers actually made this happen.

This was marketed as the final swansong for the series of movies was already scraping the bottom of the jar with the second movie after the very fun original.

With the third one, they've straight up diluted the scraped-empty bottom of that same jar by filling it to the brim with water in what was an absolute shocker of an excuse of a movie.

It was completely unimaginative, cringeworthy, cheesy and just plainly pathetic. I was actually laughing at how bad the movie was while watching it.

I'm actually amazed that a movie with such horrendous writing got made. This is Hollywood we're talking about. Where are the standards? All it says to me is how the studios were just banking on the franchise's name to haul fans of the previous ones back for one last swindle barely even two years after the last one was released.

On top of the horrible writing, the performances were all very poor. Fat Amy continues to be extremely annoying and extra. If you don't already know what I'm referring to, well, it's Fat Amy. What is her entire comedic appeal? Her size used as a joke.

If one movie was already pushing it, imagine three. In this one, I got so fed up of her stupid remarks that come at the worst possible times imaginable. Plus, the whole relationship with her father who abandoned her was so appalling. My goodness how the heck did a humble singing movie turn into some spy-hostage scenario movie? It's ridiculous! And we're supposed to think that Fat Amy being trained from young in martial arts and being able to beat up a whole bunch of mercenaries is plausible? Give me a break!

It's 31% on Rotten Tomatoes as of today is way too kind. If a far superior movie like Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016) can get a 27%, there's obviously something terribly wrong with their judging panel.

Also, I am completely for any film to make as much money as possible, but seriously, don't waste your time and money on this pile of garbage. It doesn't deserve that respect.